We all know what a financial bank account is. We make deposits into it and build up a reserve from which we can make withdrawals when we need to. An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship…If I make deposits into an Emotional Bank Account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments to you, I build up a reserve. Your trust toward me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust many times if I need to. I can even make mistakes and that trust level, that emotional reserve, will compensate for it. — Stephen R. Covey on The Emotional Bank Account
How do we build Trust? The Trust Bank Account
By looking at the different facets of Trust we get an idea of how we can build Trust – as Stephen R. Covey (the senior) would put it – How do we make deposits?
Sincere – we both mean what we say; There are no hidden agendas between us
If we notice hidden agendas or question another’s motives, there is a breakdown in trust. To repair this breakdown we might:
- Ask people to share what’s in it for them, in being part of this initiative
- Have everyone share what ‘success’ means for them
- Ask the other person to clarify what they mean by _________
Competent – we have the skills & motivation to do what we commit to
If we notice a lack of skills or motivation we might:
- Ask what energizes and de-energizes us about this project. Brainstorm how to get more energizers and less de-energizers
- Discover where each person is struggling and might need some help
- Provide training or practice sessions for new skill areas
- Share strengths and growth opportunities
Reliable – our past experience of each other indicates we HAVE done what we said we would do
And if we notice reliability problems in our relationship we can:
- Apologize for not meeting our commitments
- Examine the roadblocks that got in the way of delivering against our commitments
- Create a plan for making it up to the other person
Credible – we substantiate our statements; being clear what is fact, perception and supposition
When others doubt us or question our truthfulness, we can:
- Answer and ask questions about how we know this to be true
- Share information freely, so everyone feels informed
- Be very clear when it is our perception or hypothesis – sharing whatever data we have that is the basis of our belief
Empathy – we care about each other; trying to deeply understand the other’s point of view and situation
And when others wonder if we are able to understand their perspective or their emotional response we must:
- Get to know the other person
- Recognize their strengths and contributions
- Seek out their perspectives and insights
- Thank them for their hard work and diligence
Know How Practice: Apply it to your Own Leadership
1. Think of the person you trust MOST at work? Why? What do they do to continue to build the trust-full relationship?
2. What do you do, to make deposits in the trust bank account of your people? List 3 specific behaviors you have done this week.
3. Last time you made a withdrawal, what did you do to re-build the account balance?
